My heart BURST with pride

technically, this should be a “Conversations With Ali, Eve of her 2nd Birthday,” but because i was pretending to be asleep (or rather, trying really hard to go back to sleep this morning), this was more of a one-sided, overheard somewhere, kind of Aliana-ism.

Aliana, almost 2

Aliana, almost 2

everymorning, ali and i cuddle while she drinks her morning milk. sometimes, this means we both get an extra 30 minutes of sleep before i really have to get up. as i mentioned, i was trying really hard to get back to sleep, but i was failing. ali was wide awake, and starts to count the beads on my silver necklace. she started as one is wont to do, when counting. “one, two, three, four…” little lady can get up to the twenties now. but that’s when she did something so incredibly surprising: she started to count in spanish.

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“Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, seis, cinco, seis, cinco, seis…”

granted, she started to sound like a broken record, but good Lord did my heart leap from my chest. no one asked her to count. no one asked her to count in spanish. i sometimes feel terribly guilty that i don’t speak more spanish around her. honestly, it’s a word here or there. it happens sometimes when i don’t expect the spanish to come out. but when i have to sit and make myself think of what to say, i feel ashamed. i was hoping that our kids would grow up in a bilingual household, but with not having anyone to converse with in spanish, i’m afraid that i’m starting to lose it. even speaking to my family over the phone (we’ve always spoken in Spanglish, but majority of the conversation is in spanish), i find myself having to concentrate a little harder on what i’m saying. it’s like a complex mental math problem. one thing for sure though, is that my child loves Guatemalan food. i don’t cook the more traditional things at home, that require all day, exotic ingredients, or sometimes a muchacha as an extra hand, but boy does she love the few things i do cook here, or that my mom cooks for us.

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regardless, i think we did a great job finding a daycare that uses spanish in their lessons. i am so incredibly thankful for them, not just as a practical third parent, but for the care and thoughtfulness they put into their lessons at “school.” i was so disappointed when we first interviewed a daycare provider in clifton park who was a native spanish speaker and refused to speak to the kids in spanish. i’m glad that we felt a resounding “no!” and found someplace much much better.

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mommy guilt aside, i have to remind myself that we’re doing this practically alone. we don’t have family to help us at a drop of a hat. we don’t have many close friends, but we’ve done well in raising her. she’s healthy, she’s so incredibly smart and thoughtful, and she’s certainly beautiful.

as a friend told me recently, “guilt shouldn’t belong in a mom’s vocabulary…” and she’s right. i realized that (again) this morning as my baby girl–who’s not so much of a baby anymore–counted her way in spanish. i may not be doing much at home, but the few things she does hear, she’s picking up and absorbing, repeating. that’s worth calling a success, right? we can always add more vocabulary as she gets older.

she’s amazing, and i find that out more and more each day.

call me sappy, but i’m very thoughtful today. to think that this time, two years ago, i was 3 cms dilated after being in labor for almost 24 hours. i was testing out every position i had learned in bradley class, trying to find the most comfortable position for that contraction. then finding another for the next.

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look at her now, from a zygote to a gorgeous little girl. we love you ali. can’t wait to see how much more you grow this next year.

 

 

 

 

Ode to the Button

Your shape was decided in 1987
And 23 years later have received
An unexpected makeover.

Once an innie, now a flattie,
You’ve revealed your true shape within,
Like a lotus chip, your compartments now
Reveal spaces previously unknown in your natural state.

Soon, the flattie will become an outtie,
and you’ll poke through my clothes.
No popper stopper for you (sorry Jeff),
I promise to embrace your changes gracefully,
And allow you to finally see the sun.

ps: the hair you've sprouted grosses me out.

 

Baby Girl’s Bedding

So last night we made a late evening trip to Babies R Us. I’ve been looking for bedding for a week now and fell in love with this set. The colors and the butterfly theme matched perfectly with what I’m going for in the nursery. Only question was, would it match the colors on the walls?

So yesterday, I was showing the online listing to some coworkers to show them more or less what colors we were going for as well as what type of look we wanted. Sure enough, when the window popped up, the price had been reduced by tons. So, I headed out with Andrew to buy it quickly. Sure enough, it’s on clearance, and we got it for almost $100 off! Now that is what I call a bargain.

What made it even awesomer was that the colors are an exact match! Andrew’s currently taping the walls for the last color, then tomorrow we’ll finish painting and I can post pictures on Saturday.

So here’s a picture of the quilt and the window valance:

Pinks, greens, and whites. Perfect!

Seriously, I can't say it enough: it was a perfect match!

Now the only thing left is to get a mattress, and wash it all. I’m only afraid of washing the bumper, but if we follow the washing instructions I don’t see how it can get messed up. Any other moms reading who’ve washed the bumpers? Do I really have anything to fear?

19 weeks tomorrow

18 weeks 6 days

weekly photo

so, andrew said i’d post pictures of the baby’s room this week, but i am not going to until the painting is finished. Because the old color is still visible in half of the room, i am totally hating how it looks right now. so, i’ll provide in progress photos as well as the end result when we get there, unless i’m feeling generous and decide you deserve a peek.

i’m just hoping that in the end i don’t regret the colors. the green went from a sagey green to a minty green. and don’t get me started on the pink. i must admit that the pregnancy has addled my brain. i am forgetting the simplest, stupidest things. i don’t feel like myself, or as peter wiggin said in the ship, “I am not myself you see.”

ten points to you if you know what i’m referring to.

Transitions

18 weeks

 

Last night's weekly belly photo

transition (noun): movement, passage, or change from one position, state, stage, subject, concept, etc., to another.

Pregnancy is a time full of transitions. Some you’re prepared for, and others you aren’t. But the best you can do is roll with it.

I think I may have felt the baby move this week. Not quite sure, but it’s a feeling that has only come few times. It feels really different than the usual rumblings and gurgles I’ve become used to since I got pregnant. It feels like something is in there nudging me. It’s funny because so many people have told me so many different things about how it feels, and this feels like nothing anyone has told me about.

I’d like to continue thinking that it’s the baby reaching out to me, saying, “I’m here mommy, you’re not alone!” but it could also be wishful thinking. I’m anxious for an outward sign of life, some encouragement that this period has a purpose.

While I continue to experience transitions (some wanted, some expected, others neither) I must remind myself that regardless of everything, there’s a little gift waiting for me at the finish line.

All that matters at the end of it all is the light shining, beckoning me to come and claim it as my own.

I can’t wait.

Baby’s second picture

Baby at 12 weeks exactly! This was for the first trimester screening, and their measurements looked good!

it looks like a baby now!

Baby put on quite a show for us yesterday. Kicked and punched around for a good half hour. I seriously thought that it was going to do a somersault. Apparently, baby is extremely active, and we discovered why I pee so much – baby’s feet are right up against my bladder. My bladder is being kick-boxed into oblivion. It makes me dread when baby gets bigger, but honestly, i’ll admit (and i don’t think that Andrew even saw), but seeing that little creature move and shake and dance, i cried a few tears. I swear, there are no words to describe how joyful it was to see my darling child happily move about.

I don’t know quite what (or who!) you look like, but God, you are beautiful and I love you to pieces.