Parenting WIN

This is probably only worth reading if you have a child but I wanted to share a parenting victory I had tonight with Aliana while Lilly was working late.

"Daddy's Little Angel"

“Daddy’s Little Angel”

When we got home from daycare (school) I broke down a rotisserie chicken I picked up with Aliana and made a pot of rice (yes, I can make a seasoned pot of rice on the stove). While I was tearing it apart I asked Ali if she wanted some chicken to which she replied,

“No dad, no chicken. I want bar (Earth’s Best). I want cone (sugar cone). I want a orange. I want fishies (Goldfish crackers).”

I told her no, it was time for dinner, and chicken and rice is for dinner. She wasn’t thrilled, she’s never thrilled with dinner time. I don’t think it’s the food, I think it’s just the word, dinner.

Then she got louder (because that’s effective right?), “No Dad! No dinner! I want special snack in the living room!”

I ignored her request, then repeated myself. Once her plate was ready I put her in her highchair and after a lot of screaming and squirming, I won (this is not the victory, just a battle). During this process and many others she has recently learned to flat out YELL at me. Her NO’s get progressively louder, “no, No, NO! NOOOOO!!!” Then she yells a deep “AHHHHHHHGG!!!” and does this until she gets thrown, I’m sorry, I mean placed in space. After a few times of yelling a verbal warning from me, she took space as expected. I slid her chair to a corner in the kitchen and told her to let me know when she was done. After about a minute went by I asked her if she was done.

“No,” she replied.

“Okay, you let me know,” I said.

After about another minute I walked over and, face-to-face, asked if she was done and wanted to come back to the table with Daddy. I told her that I really wanted her to join me for dinner. She still muttered a “no, no dinner,” but then I told her if she took one bite that she could get out of her highchair. She agreed with a smile and took her bite of chicken. I asked her if it was good, she said yes. Go figure, chicken being good. I asked her if she wanted more, she said yes, and so she joined me at the table and happily ate her chicken and rice with Daddy. We had a great talk and enjoyed each others company.

The notable thing here is even though I was 100% annoyed/frustrated by her resistance to dinner, chicken, rice and even the fresh Poland Spring water I put in her sippy cup, I didn’t let her know how I was feeling as I have previous times. I didn’t once get loud or even a little loud. I spoke calmly, quietly, and followed through on everything I said. This really set the tone for the rest of the evening. She has been happy and playful since dinner and was super excited when mommy came home. That, I call a VICTORY.

Near Death Experience

How badly can you piss off your wife before she kills you? You could do what my dad did. After spending a very eventful day in San Francisco full of fun, laughing, and pictures, my dad unintentionally erased it all, ALL of it. On the ferry ride back to our hotel late that night he found the format function on the digital camera, couldn’t determine if he was on “yes” or “no” and clicked. He ended up clicking “yes,” thus reformatting the memory card and deleted every single photo off the camera. Needless to say that was the most awkward hour I’ve ever spent with my family. I thought my mom was going to combust.

Today, I made a similar decision. I suppose it was bound to happen. I’ve been spending a lot of time cleaning up my electronic clutter. Deleting useless files, programs and documents that are just clutter all over my desktop and scattered through my computer folders. In performing that task that I stumbled across two databases on my web host account. I deleted one I knew was garbage and deleted a second I thought was associated with the first. Well what is it that happens when we assumes? That’s right, we “make an ass out of you and me.” In this case however, I made a double ass out of myself. I deleted the database for this blog, deleting EVERYTHING including Lilly’s entire birth story. When I realized what I did I nearly threw up in my cubicle and immediately messaged Lilly.

After sweating it out and gagging at my desk for 20 minutes for her to finally get the message thinking she’d strangle me through my computer monitor before she responding, she remained calm. She had mercy on her poor husband and let me live! Long enough to write this anyway. She also told me to call our web host company. By the grace of God himself, my hosting company has a free service where they backup your account every single day and recovered my deleted database, and thus this blog. Who knew? Thank you BlueHost! You know not only saved my life today, but let me feel a sense of relief and joy I haven’t felt since my daughter took her first breath. Whew!

Well, I tried…

Need That Pick-Me-Up

Well, I tried to go without coffee today in an attempt to spend one entire day in caffine detox since Ali’s birth, but it turned out to be a failed attempt. I got to the office at 7:10AM, and by 8:00AM I was face-in-palm asleep. At least the effort was there. Right?

I’ve done some research recently on being a first time dad and the realizations and struggles that come our way post birth. The take-away was that no matter how prepared we thought we were as fathers, we weren’t even close. In fact, we showed up to the pier days after the boat set sail. This pretty well describes me, the dad. I was spot on with all the pregnancy stuff (except the preggie pops), but did not even consider what I would do once Ali entered the world, let alone how to take care of her. Now that Ali is 5 1/2 weeks old the shock of parenting has worn off, and the day-to-day exhaustion is now more of a lifestyle. I don’t want to call it a struggle, because being a new parent isn’t a bad thing, but it’s not easy.

Sleep deprivation aside, my most favorite part of each morning, and one of the reasons I feel so blessed, is I get to witness Ali and Lilly snuggled up in bed together under the early morning light for a few minutes before walking out the door. The two of them look so peaceful it pains me to leave but I know with the love they have for each other they are going to be just fine until I come home.

Aliana James Kahrs

Aliana James Kahrs

Born at Home on May 22, 2011 at 1:30 AM

We did it. We’re parents. It blows my mind to say that out loud. I cannot feel any more love towards anyone than I do for this child. Trust me, I have cried the tears to prove it, should proof be necessary.

In just one week, Andrew and I feel like we’ve lived a month with Aliana. Our little girl went from being born safely at home to spending three long, extremely stressful days in the NICU at Albany Med. I’m pretty sure this applies to both of us, but I have never, ever, experienced such grief, pain, and concern over anything in my entire life. This being, a little bean, has consumed my life. It’s in her little hands, and I couldn’t be more joyful about it.

I struggled over what to title this entry. Alternate titles considered include “A birth story,” “A home birth,” or my personal favorite “What in God’s name was I thinking?!?!”

This is a story about how Aliana came into our lives. I promise you it will be long (and includes pictures!), so click the link below to continue reading part 1.

In this post:

Behind the Name

Labor and Delivery

Continue reading

16 weeks! Officially Planning a Homebirth!

Lilly is now showing! AND, I can feel the uterus! It’s the size of a mini basketball that fits right into my hand. For so long now Lilly has been waiting for the day she would show, then all of a sudden within a weeks time, she “popped.”

I can see Lilly has been maintaining this blog more than myself, but here am I to discuss the controversial decision we have made… to use a midwife instead of a regular Obstetrician. After much research, thought, and discussion between ourselves, we feel this is the best approach for us. Also, this is now officially official because we have received the pre-authorizing required by our health insurance provider. This means our provider will cover nearly all of the expenses charged by our midwife. Also to add, our Midwife is extremely experienced (nearly 30 years), has delivered over 1000 babies, is a Certified Nurse Midwife, and is therefore legally allowed by New York State Law to practice midwifery. We have met with her twice thus far and have been very pleased with her knowledge and personal service. She schedules hour long appointments instead of the 5 seconds you get with a normal Obstetrician. Lilly has been incredibly happy with the decision which is all that matters.

In case you were wondering we do have a back-up plan. In the event we need to transfer to the hospital during the pregnancy now or during labor, our insurance will cover the medical expenses there as well. We’re doing our best to cover all the bases, but obviously we’re new at this.