One word never used to describe being pregnant: miserable

Week 26, day 6

Okay, quick topic here. The last few weeks has brought on new aches and pains, particularly, in the ribs. I don’t feel much bigger than I was a month ago, but she’s definitely growing herself. I feel her more and more each day as she grows. She’s quite the little punk too, especially now that she can reach my ribs with her feet. She kicks, she prods, she pushes up against my belly and it feels like she’s a chest burster trying to bust out. She’s made me cry a few times with how much her pushing and shoving has hurt. But, that’s all in adjustment. It’s not so bad now but I’m sure I’ll be listing new pains as she gets a little larger.

What is bad are the mood swings. How one minute I can be absolutely ready to bawl or scream at everyone and the next I’m all ladeedah and laughing. One thing I wasn’t ready for, nor warned about, were the days of absolute misery and utter loneliness.

There are some days where I don’t even want to wake up. And when I get home from work, I just lay on the couch and either whine or cry in complete silence. Being pregnant is hard work! There is so much going on inside your body that just zaps all your energy and leaves you feeling so empty and alone.

I know I shouldn’t complain, God has given me quite a gift here, but one thing I wish is that I was warned there would be bad days when you just want it to be over, just to feel some sort of control over your life again. Knowing this might not have helped me prepare for the actual feeling of it, but at least I would know that I’m not alone. To know that I’m not the only one that has felt this way while pregnant would have been comfort enough.

For now, I don’t really have many people I can really talk to about it (in terms of those who have experienced this). Andrew has been a great supporter throughout all of these ups and downs. I’m sure he’s had whiplash from the sudden (mean) outbursts  and the rebounding laughter two minutes later. But when all I’ve really needed is someone to hold me or rub my head while I try to fall asleep he’s always right there next to me comforting me and trying his best to make me feel better. I think he’s figured out that there really are no words necessary.

A true ally. I am soooo thankful to have such an understanding partner in all of this. I don’t know where I would be at this point if he wasn’t how and who he is.

2 thoughts on “One word never used to describe being pregnant: miserable

  1. the mood swings blow big balls! i completely understand. i had some serious mood swings from 4mo till rightafter i had Jazlyne. Lilly, keep an eye out for how you feel after you give birth. postpartum is extremely hard on a mother and a baby. i luckily never had it really bad because i was so sick in the hospital for so long and was all drugged up for liek 4 days. you are one lucky woman to have Andrew to always be there. i am a single mom and even tho i have the best family help in the world nothing could of prepared me for the worry and stress being a mother brings. i often still feel like i am alone in all of this. but some how there is a way through. :) trust me you are not the only one. Jazlyne never got into my ribs until the last week, and even then it wasnt too bad for me. I’ve only heard of other ppls experiences with that type of pain. It is all coming to an end tho… :) and soon you can love that lil girl more than you already do. i know it sounds impossible but it is. haha. I love Jazlyne so much more on the outside of me than i did when she was on the inside. haha. but anywho… you are not the only one. so you are not alone at all! :) Love you both!!

  2. You must not have read my blog post of the stinky parts of pregnancy….I felt the same way- that no-one ever let on the hard parts! You can talk to me anytime! I can relate! love ya girl!
    ps- have you had any heartburn yet?

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